It's a common enough sound in my office, that frustration filled sigh of longing and rage when one of my coworkers notices the box of cookies/candy/doughnuts/cake/sweet potato pie sitting in the kitchen. I've been hearing it once or twice a week since I started working here. The sweets come more often around the holidays, but they never really let up entirely. And no matter how firmly my coworkers avow they are "NOT eating ANY more SWEETS!" the goodies keep mysteriously appearing and disappearing in that kitchen day by day. Perhaps most confusing of all is that most often, the person who objects most vehemently to one tray of sugar and fat will be the person who brings in the next unhealthy but oh-so-alluring offering to the gods of growing waistlines. It is a conspiracy against the hard-working office chairs which must sustain our growing bulk, and we are all complicit in it.
Meanwhile, on Pinterest:
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
I'mma tell you straight up, the woman who posted that has never had a fresh Lemonberry Cupcake from Georgetown, my sister's hot breakfast casserole, or those cookies I ate in Glasgow. In fact, there are a great many things in life that woman cannot yet have tasted. Her life makes me sad. Her life makes me want to buy a dozen G-town cupcakes and then eat them in front of her.
Meanwhile, at home:
Me: "Hey Mr. Awesome, I'll make you a deal."
Him: "Okay."
Me: "Everyday after work I'll come home and tell you whether or not I ate any of the treats in the office. And if I didn't, you give me a back-rub and/or face massage. This is really a deal to benefit me, you don't actually get anything out of it."
Him: "Okay." (See that girls? Absolute agreement. And all it cost me was a remote control helicopter for Valentine's Day. Take notes!)
Meanwhile, back at the office:
I have yet to eat a single treat in the office since making that deal with Mr. Awesome about two weeks ago. Proving once and for all that the old saying holds true:
"Nothing your coworkers leave in the company kitchen because they don't want it at their house tastes as good as a nightly back rub."
You are so very welcome, my dears.
 |
| Mmmm, stale fritters... |
Meanwhile, on Pinterest:
"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
I'mma tell you straight up, the woman who posted that has never had a fresh Lemonberry Cupcake from Georgetown, my sister's hot breakfast casserole, or those cookies I ate in Glasgow. In fact, there are a great many things in life that woman cannot yet have tasted. Her life makes me sad. Her life makes me want to buy a dozen G-town cupcakes and then eat them in front of her.
Meanwhile, at home:
Me: "Hey Mr. Awesome, I'll make you a deal."
Him: "Okay."
Me: "Everyday after work I'll come home and tell you whether or not I ate any of the treats in the office. And if I didn't, you give me a back-rub and/or face massage. This is really a deal to benefit me, you don't actually get anything out of it."
Him: "Okay." (See that girls? Absolute agreement. And all it cost me was a remote control helicopter for Valentine's Day. Take notes!)
Meanwhile, back at the office:
I have yet to eat a single treat in the office since making that deal with Mr. Awesome about two weeks ago. Proving once and for all that the old saying holds true:
"Nothing your coworkers leave in the company kitchen because they don't want it at their house tastes as good as a nightly back rub."
You are so very welcome, my dears.
1 comment:
Nice. True too.
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